2.3.07

My sister-friend!!!

Sari tucked in, lips pressed, brows furrowed, utter concentration, slim hands moving vigorously over a mammoth blackened cooking vessel, stirring the beginnings of a biryani that will feed at least 30 people (though the number of people actually present would be 15 - but when she cooks, everyone takes second helpings!)

Thats how I remember Christy akka. My sister-friend.

My memories go back to the time when I used to live in Pondicherry, barely 6 or 7. When dad mentioned trips to 'atthai's' house, I used to shiver - with dread! My cousins - the guys- would mercilessly tease me. MERCILESSLY (in caps!) They would call their jobless friends and everyone would join in teasing this girl-who-looked-like-a-boy-because-of-the-haircut-that-her-parents-
religiously-made-her-get. I would start with ignoring it, then I would yell, then I would throw their stuff around and in the end, I would howl! And she would come, give her brothers and the other guys a verbal bash and take me inside the house and let me play with her 'make up sets'!

Then when I was in Delhi, during the summer, when we visited Tamil Nadu, akka would beg mummy to let her take my brother and I for...anything! Could be a movie, could be a trip to the bakers, could be a visit to her hostel (she studied law at Pondicherry Law College). I remember the way she used to introduce me to her friends, "Remember, I told you.....my maama's daughter..Ashi!!!" and they would all go, "ohhhhhhh...so yooooouuuuu are her maama's daughter!" and I would glow! When twenty odd college girls, roughened up in law school talk like that to you, you just shimmer!

Then I came to Chennai. I was a teenager, akka was in her late twenties. I still remember the day she got registered with the Bar Council. I was floating! I was so proud! The first lawyer in the family! My akka! She was practicing law with a firm in Chennai. So, she used to visit often. School, fights, boys, crushes, grades, clothes, hairstyles, fashion, everything - we began to bond. That special bond that comes only at a certain age with certain people. We bonded. We became more than just sisters. We were friends. Best friends.

During family occasions, everyone would chuckle, because they said that akka and I looked alike! I know that she was as proud of me as I was of her! When we were together, we were always together! I couldnt cook for an ant and she could cook for entire families! So, I just stood with her in the kitchen, while she concocted the best sambars, chutneys, chicken fries and anything edibles that I have ever tasted. She cooked, I talked! She loved me, I loved her.

Three days ago, my father called me. After the call, I just sat on the floor. This had to be a joke.

Christy akka could not have died.

But she did.

The most difficult thing about death is how nothing changes. I remember watching the birds and the newly bloomed flowers and saying, how can you sing? how can you bloom? When she is no more? The reality of her death is slowly settling in. Its been 3 days since my akka died. But it feels like its been years. Many years.

She might have gone, but she lives. In my mind, in my memories, in my words.

Her unrestrained laughter, her revolutionary(read: experimental) hairstyles that she would try out on me(!!), her passed on lipsticks, mascaras, clothes and perfumes, her sensational biryani, her companionship, her presence, her gentle kiss, her affectionate hug and so many million little sister-sister things will all be missed.

I love you akka. I miss you. Will always.


-Ashi

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